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April 2010

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Apr. 10th, 2010

What is a Dad?

      So a few weeks ago, the dream that I'd had over and over for many times as a girl came true. And I don't think I'm going to get the ending I thought I'd always have. My dream was to have a big emotional reunion with the LIfetime soundtrack. Instead I got a puzzling Facebook message and an awkward telephone conversation..I don't think he understood that I didn't have many questions for him and that I probably wouldn't be all that excited to meet him. I think he was looking for me to want an instant daddy....but in all honesty, how could you connect with someone who had a daughter nine months after you were born and doesn't even know your birthday? Or was telling a lie about how they were looking for you for soo long. I was NEVER that hard to find!
      Not having a biological father present in my life used to bother me. I used to get the "Hey where's your parents?" or "Why isn't your dad around?" Yeah, I knew what to say about my mom's death, but how do you explain to people what you couldn't understand (and no one explained to you) all your life? As I got older, I realized I'd always had a biological father (my grandfather...yes he's not my "father" father but he is blood).He's the one that taught me about basketball and many other things. Papa was my biggest fan and supporter and of one the only men that I've ever trusted. He was around for every birthday; he never forgot to call or say I love you. He didn't get caught up in stupid shit and go to prison. Granted he wasn't perfect but at least he was there. A real father takes care of his kids, financially, spiritually, and emotionally.Real fathers do not abandon their children and start a new life.
    
I really don't think that finding me is about fostering a relationship with the daughter he forgot about. It's about him and his selfishness, his ego. He may be looking for truth but MY truth is that I may have thought that I needed a dad, but I had one all along. So you, sir, are a sperm donor.
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Feb. 6th, 2010

I'm an LJ virgin

I've decided to start writing a blog of sort, especially since I'm always on ONTD (I'm a junkie!) Hopefully I'll come on here more often than not and write whatever I'm feeling.